The Last Word
For our mummy, there was always only one way to do things and that was the right way. It was always clear to her what that was. It was with that clarity of mind that she talked me down from any upset or crisis I got myself into.
Sometimes it was scientific:
When I was very young about 7 or 8, I remember running to mummy in distress because I had swallowed a watermelon seed, and a neighbour had told me that watermelons were going to grow on my head.
She asked me to list all the necessary conditions for plant growth, which I had learned in science class:
I struggled to remember: light, water, loamy soil, oxygen, ..., I was confused as to what it had to do with the impending disaster of a watermelon head, until she asked "do you have these things in your stomach?"
Sometimes it was pseudo-scientific as she strongly believed one's diet should be determined by one's blood type.
Sometimes it was superstitious, as she could tell when visitors were due because a piece of vegetable was standing in an awkward position.
And sometimes it was based on her vast experience and talent in management.
Having spent my lifetime with her, one thing I know is that her way works.
When I started my first company at the age of 13, whenever I followed her advice about managing my resources and finances, I turned a profit. When I did things my way, money disappeared without a trace.
When visitors arrived at our home unexpectedly at midnight or in the early hours of the morning, they were surprised to find that she could get them fed and settled in record time just as if she had been expecting them.
Her single minded dedication to what she considered to be the right way meant that there were lots and lots of arguments between us.
A few months before she passed away, I started to lament all my naughtiness and rebelliousness towards her. I said to her, I wish I had always listened to you and just done what you told me to do, especially since that is what I always ended up doing in the end after wasting a lot of time. She said she did not wish that at all. She said she was happy that I had tried things out my own way first.
She was capable of deep understanding. Understanding of human weakness and human flaws. There wasn't any problem you couldn't take to her, however much you had messed up, and, however much you had failed to follow good advice. She would never turn her back on someone in need who was contrite; as long as one was able to take some teasing about it.
I am bereft because our mommy has left us, and I will never get another consoling hug from her again.
But I never have to wonder about what her advice would be; she was very clear about the principles that she lived by:
She took great offence to a popular chorus "I have a very big God who is always by my side". It is not God who needs to be on your side, she argued. It is about allying yourself correctly and then you would have nothing to worry about. She made us understand that you did not pray to send God on errands. Prayer is to ask for the help to do our part. "Are you on the Lord's side?"
Once I was struggling to open a window in my apartment when she was visiting. Without getting up from her bed or taking a closer look, mummy said to me, you are doing it wrong that is why it is so hard. This building is well built, it cannot take that much effort to open a window. That moment mirrored one of her most treasured principles about life. She had such strong faith that God was always in control, she often said let God guide you by "open and shut doors". When you find yourself struggling too much you must be at the wrong door.
When we were robbed of all our money and we sat down to cry, mummy looked at us with impatience ... "Has somebody died?" she asked and dismissed our tears and fears about the future.
When daddy lamented their spending their last wedding anniversary in the hospital, her response was to ask about the 32 years that they never spent in a hospital! Let's be thankful, was always her attitude.
When other people cried or complained, mummy came up with solutions. She figured out what needed to be done, and once she had decided what needed to be done, very little could stop her. Not everyone can understand that kind of single mindedness. As I am equally strong headed, one can only imagine the titanic clashes that we had.
Our argument is over and she has had the last word. She has left me in no doubt as to her position.
Mummy was not ready to retire. She still had lots to do. Unfortunately her body could not keep up with her mind or her spirit. She played her part magnificently and she has gone to take her rest.
What is left to do is now in our hands.
